Divine Intimacy: Meditations on the Interior Life for Everyday of the Year

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350. DESIGNS OF PEACE AND LOVE
TWENTY-THIRD SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST

PRESENCE OF GOD - O Lord, fulfill in me Your designs of peace and love, making me rise to a life of complete fervor.


MEDITATION

1. In spite of our sublime ideal, our ardent desire for sanctity, we always find ourselves full of miseries, always indebted to God. Our souls often tremble with fear in His presence, and we ask ourselves: How will He receive me? Will He turn me away? But the answer is quite different from what we would expect: “The Lord saith: I think thoughts of peace and not of affliction. You shall call upon Me and I will hear you, and I will bring back your captivity from all places.” These consoling words, which we read in the Introit of today’s
Mass, open our hearts to the sweetest hopes. God loves us in spite of all. He is always and everywhere our Father, and He desires to free us from the servitude of our passions and from our weaknesses. Then spontaneously the humble invocation of the Collect rises to our lips: “Grant, O Lord, that by Your goodness we may be delivered from the bonds of sin which by our frailty we have committed.” Humility and the sincere acknowledgment of our wrongdoing is always the starting point for conversion.

In the Epistle (Phil 3,17-21-4,1-3) St. Paul speaks to us of conversion: “For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you weeping, that they are enemies of the Cross of Christ...who mind only the things of earth.” Every time that we shun a sacrifice, that we protest against suffering, that we seek selfish pleasures, we behave, in practice, like enemies of the Cross of Christ. Thus our lives become too earthly, too much attached to creatures, too heavily burdened to rise toward heaven. We must be converted, we must
practice detachment, and remember that “our conversation is in heaven”; to this end, we must willingly embrace the hardships of the return journey to our heavenly homeland. As an encouragement, St. Paul places before our eyes the glory of our eternal life: “Jesus Christ will reform the body of our lowness, made like to the body of His glory.” These are the “ thoughts of peace,” the great designs of love which our heavenly Father outlines for us: to free us from the bondage of sin, and conform us to His own Son, making us sharers in His glorious resurrection. They are marvelous designs but they will be realized only with our cooperation. “Therefore,” the Apostle beseeches us, “my dearly beloved brethren, and most desired, my joy and my crown: so stand fast in the Lord.” Stand fast, that is, persevere in your conversion, strong in humility, confidence, and love of the Cross.


2. Today’s Gospel (Mi 9,18-26) gives a striking example of the transformation which God desires to accomplish in us. It also shows how He realizes His thoughts of peace in those who approach Him with a humble and trustful heart. First, let us consider the woman troubled with an issue of blood. Her malady was incurable, she had been suffering from it for twelve years, and she had found no remedy. The poor woman, ashamed and humiliated, did not dare, like the other sick persons, to present herself directly to Jesus. However, her faith was so lively that she said within herself: “If I shall touch only His garment, I shall be healed.” Furtively drawing near to Him she touched the hem of His garment. Jesus noticed that light touch and turning around said: “Be of good heart, daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole.” No petition, no spoken request—but what moved the Lord was the prayer of that humble, trustful heart, so full of faith.

As Jesus healed the woman with the issue of blood, so does He wish to heal our souls, but He expects of us dispositions similar to hers. Too often we are content to pray with our lips while our hearts are cold and distant; Jesus, however, looks to the heart; He wants the prayer of the heart, a cry of humility and confidence, a cry which goes straight to His own divine Heart. On the other hand, how much more fortunate are we than that poor sick woman! She succeeded only once in touching the hem of His garment, whereas our souls in Holy Communion may be daily united with His very Body and Blood. Oh! if we only had faith like a grain of mustard seed!

The second miracle followed. The daughter of Jairus was not simply ill, she was dead; but it was no more difficult for Jesus to restore a dead person to life than to heal one who was sick. He, the true Lord of life and death, “took her by the hand and the maid arose.” Jesus is our Resurrection not only for our eternal life when, at a signal from Him, our body will rise glorious and be reunited to our soul; but He is our Resurrection even in this life : our Resurrection from the death of sin to the life of grace, our Resurrection
from a lukewarm life to a fervent and holy life.

Let us draw near to Jesus with the humility and confidence of the woman cured of the issue of blood. Let us beg Him with all our hearts to realize in us His designs of love, by drawing us away from the sluggish mediocrity of a spiritual life still entangled in the snares of egoism, and by giving us a strong, determined impetus toward sanctity.


COLLOQUY

“O Lord, how ill is Your friendship requited by those who so soon become Your mortal enemies again! Of a truth, Your mercy is great; what friend shall we find who is so long-suffering? If once such a cleavage takes place between two earthly friends, it is never erased from the memory and their friendship can never again become as close as before. Yet how often has our friendship for You failed in this way, and for how many years do You await our return to You! May You be blessed, my Lord God, who bear so compassionately with us that You seem to forget Your greatness and do not punish such treacherous treason as this, as would only be right” (T.J. Con, 2).

“O Jesus, You are my peace; for through You I have access to the Father, since it has pleased the Father to grant peace through the Blood of Your Cross to all in heaven and on earth.

“This is Your work as regards every soul of good will; it is what Your immense, Your exceeding charity urges You to do in me. You desire to be my peace.... By the Blood of Your Cross, You will make peace in the little heaven of my soul... You will fill me with Yourself, You will bury me in Yourself, and You will make me live again with You, by Your Life.

“O Jesus, even though I fall at every moment, in trustful faith I shall pray You to raise me up, and I know You will forgive me, and will blot out everything with jealous care. More than that : You will despoil me, deliver me from my miseries, from everything that is an obstacle to Your divine action; and will draw all my powers to Yourself, and make them Your captive.... Then I shall have passed completely into You and shall be able to say : It is no longer I that live; my Master liveth in me” (E.T. J, 12).

351. PASSIVE PURIFICATION

PRESENCE OF GOD - My God, illumine my way, that I may not go astray in the midst of the darkness of tribulation.


MEDITATION

1. Although it is possible for us to enter the night of the spirit by a generous practice of total renunciation and an intense exercise of the theological virtues, we will never be able to penetrate into its deepest part if God Himself does not place us there. Only He can deepen the darkness which envelops us in this night, so that we may be reduced to nothingness in all, to the point of attaining the purity and poverty of spirit which are required for union. Far from taking the initiative, our task is then reduced to accepting with love, to enduring with patience and humility all that God disposes for us.

In order not to resist the divine action, we should remember that God generally purifies souls through the ordinary circumstances of life. In the life of every Christian, every apostle, every religious, there is always a measure of suffering sufficient to effect the purification of the spirit. These are the sufferings which God Himself chooses and disposes in the way best suited to the different needs of souls; but, unfortunately, few profit by them because few know how to recognize in the sorrows of life the hand of God who wishes to purify them. Illness, bereavement, estrangement, separation from dear ones, misunderstandings, struggles, difficulties proceeding sometimes from the very ones who should have been able to give help and support, failure of works that were cherished and sustained at the price of great labor, abandonment by friends, physical and spiritual solitude —these are some of the sufferings which are met with more or less in the life of every man, and which we will find in ours. We must understand that all such things are positively willed or at least permitted by God precisely to purify us even to the very inmost fibers of our being. In the face of these trials, we must never blame the malice of men, or stop to examine whether or not they are just; we must see only the blessed hand of God who offers us these bitter remedies to bring perfect health to our soul. St. John of the Cross writes: “It greatly behooves the soul, then, to have patience and constancy in all the tribulations and trials which God sends it, whether they come from without or from within, and are spiritual or corporal, great or small. It must take them all as from His hand for its healing and its good, and not flee from them, since they are health to it” (LF > 2,30).


2. Let us consider how great a spirit of faith is necessary to accept from the hand of God all the circumstances which afflict and humble, contradict and mortify us. It will sometimes be easier to accept heavy trials which come directly from Our Lord, such as illness and bereavement, than other lighter ones where creatures enter into play, and for which, perhaps, we experience greater repugnance. The immediate action of creatures, especially if their malice has a share in it, makes it more difficult for us to discover the divine hand. A greater spirit of faith is necessary here, that we may pass beyond the human side of circumstances, the faulty way of acting of such and such a person, and find, beyond all these human contingencies, the dispositions of divine Providence, which wills to use these particular creatures, and even their defects and errors, to file away our self-love and destroy our pride.

The counsel given by St. John of the Cross to a religious will be very useful for us in such cases: “Thou must know that those (who are in the convent) are no more than workers whom God has placed there only that they might work upon and chisel at thee by mortifying thee. And some will cut at thee through words...others in deed...others by their thoughts, neither esteeming nor feeling love for thee... and thou must be subject to them in all things, even as an image is subject to him that fashions it and to him that paints it and to him that gilds it” (P, 15). Profoundly convinced that God guides and disposes all for the good of those who love Him, the soul of faith sees in every person a messenger from our Lord, charged by Him to exercise it in virtue, particularly in that which it lacks most. Instead of rebelling and being indignant because of some want of consideration or even some really unjust treatment, it bows its head and accepts all humbly, as the most suitable treatment for curing its faults and imperfections. This must be our conduct, if we wish to draw profit from all the trials that God places in our path. In each instance we must keep ourselves from posing as a victim, from protesting, from complaining, or from retaliating. Whatever suffering may come to us from creatures has only one true explanation: Our Lord wishes to purify us, and is beginning to do it precisely through these exterior tribulations. Let us be persuaded that all serves greatly for our spiritual progress, because before attaining to union with God, it is necessary to be reduced to nothingness, that is, to be established in profoundest humility.


COLLOQUY

“Teach me, my God, to suffer in peace the afflictions which You send me that my soul may emerge from the crucible like gold, both brighter and purer, to find You within me. Trials like these, which at present seem unbearable, will eventually become light, and I shall be anxious to suffer again, if by so doing I can render You greater service. And however numerous may be my troubles and persecutions. ..they will all work together for my greater gain though I do not myself bear them as they should be borne, but in a way which is most imperfect ” (T.J. Life, 30).

“O grandeur of my God! All the temptations and tribulations which You permit to come upon us, absolutely all, are ordered for our good, and if we have no other thought, when we are tried here below, than that of Your goodness, this will suffice for us to overcome every temptation.

“O Word of God, my sweet and loving Spouse, all power in heaven and on earth is Yours. You confound and put to flight every enemy. As for me, I am extremely weak; I cannot see, being filled with misery and sins; but by Your slightest glance, O Word, You put all these enemies to flight, like bits of straw in the wind; first, however, You permit them to give battle to Your servants, to make these, Your servants, more glorious. And the greater the grace and light You want to give Your servants, that they may love and know You better, the more do You try them by fire and purify their hearts like gold, so that their virtues may shine like precious stones.

“By Your power, O divine Word, You confer strength for the combat, and he who wishes to fight manfully for Your glory must first descend into the most profound knowledge of self, yet all the while raising his heart to You, that he may not be confounded ” (St. Mary Magdalen dei Pazzi).

352. INTERIOR TRIALS

PRESENCE OF GOD - O Lord, purify me as gold in the crucible; purify me and do not spare me, that I may attain to union with You.


MEDITATION

1. If Our Lord finds you strong and faithful, humble and patient in accepting exterior trials, He will go on little by little to others that are more inward and spiritual “to purge and cleanse you more inwardly. ..to give you more interior blessings” (J.C. LF, 2,28). The passive night of the spirit culminates precisely in these interior sufferings of the soul, by which God “destroys and consumes its spiritual substance and absorbs it in deep and profound darkness” (J.C. DN JI, 6,1) in order that it may be completely reborn to divine Life.
We are, in fact, so steeped in miseries and faults, which adhere so closely to our nature, that if God Himself did not take our purification in hand, renewing us from head to foot, we should never be delivered from them. Jesus, too, spoke of this total renovation, of this profound spiritual rebirth: “Unless a man be born again of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God” (Jn 3,5); the kingdom of God here below is the state of perfect union with Him, to which no one attains if he be not first totally purified.

St. John of the Cross explains at length how this work of purification is accomplished by the Holy Spirit, who, invading the soul with the living flame of His Love, destroys and consumes all its imperfections. So long as this divine flame purifies and disposes the soul, says the Saint, it “is very oppressive. ..the flame is not bright to it, but dark, and if it gives any light at all, it is only that the soul may see and feel its own faults and miseries ” (J.C. LF, 1,19). Although the soul finds itself under the direct action of the Holy Spirit, this action is not agreeable but painful, because its first fruit is precisely to show it all its weaknesses and miseries that it may conceive a horror for them, detest them, humble itself for them and be sorry for them. The penetrating light of the “living flame of Love” lifts the thick veil which hides from the soul the roots of its evil habits. The soul suffers at such a sight, not only because it feels humbled, but also because it fears being rejected by God; indeed, seeing itself so miserable, it feels itself dreadfully unworthy of divine love, and, at certain times, it even seems as if God in anger had cast it off from Himself. This is the greatest torment the soul can suffer, but a precious one, because it purifies the soul of all residue of self-love and pride, and deepens within it the profound abyss of humility which calls to and draws down the abyss of divine mercy.


2. If the Holy Spirit did not make you understand and experience your wretchedness, you could not be delivered from it, for in your ignorance you could not further the work of purification which He wills to accomplish in you. Therefore, when the divine light shows you the depths of your depravity through the failures of your spiritual life, the powerlessness of your spirit, or the struggles and rebellions of nature, you must support the sight humbly, recognizing and confessing your weaknesses without excusing them, without blaming adverse circumstances, without turning your gaze elsewhere. ‘These are the moments in which, more than ever, you must humble yourself “under the mighty hand of God” (1 Pt 5,6), who shows you what you really are in His sight. But, on the other hand, the sight of your miseries, however ugly and detestable they may be, should not plunge you into discouragement, for this is not the end for which the Holy Spirit reveals them to you; rather, it is to divest you of every trace of secret self-esteem and to extinguish in your heart—in case it were there—any claim to meriting divine gifts and favors. Neither should you believe that you have become worse than formerly. You have always borne these miseries within you! Hitherto you were ignorant of them, whereas now the divine light shows them to you clearly, not that they may overwhelm you but that you may be delivered from them. Therefore, despite all the suffering that you may experience at the ight of your misery, you must remain confident and certain that God will never abandon you. You have been unfaithful to Him, it is true; you have not corresponded to His love as you should have done, and the services which you have rendered Him are very little in comparison with what God deserves; nevertheless He who is infinitely good does not despise your contrite and humble heart. God loves you and, far from rejecting you, He desires to unite Himself to you; but first He wants to make you perfectly aware that you are wholly undeserving of this great grace. God communicates Himself only to humble souls, and only the humble are filled with His gifts; that is the reason for the purifying sufferings of the night of the spirit: it is impossible to be entirely humble without passing through the bitter anguish of this night in which God Himself undertakes to humble the soul. But when finally He will have reduced it to the center of its nothingness, then He will exalt it, drawing it to Himself in the perfect union of love.


COLLOQUY

“O my soul, if you are wounded by sin, behold your physician, ready to cure you. His mercy is infinitely greater than all your iniquities. This I say, not that you may remain in your misery, but that by doing your utmost to overcome it, you may not despair of His clemency and pardon.

“Your God is sweetness itself, mildness itself; whom will you love, whom will you desire except Him?

“Let not your imperfections discourage you; your God does not despise you because you are imperfect and infirm; on the contrary, He loves you because you desire to cure your ills. He will come to your assistance and make you more perfect than you would have dared to hope, and adorned by His own hand, your beauty will be unequalled, like His own goodness.

“O my Jesus, tender Shepherd, gentle Master, help me, lift up Your dejected sheep, extend Your hand to sustain me, heal my wounds, strengthen my weakness, save me; otherwise I shall perish. I am unworthy of life, I confess, unworthy of Your light and help; for my ingratitude has been so great; Your mercy, however, is greater still. Have pity upon me, then, O God, You who love men so much! Oh, my only hope! Have pity upon me according to the greatness of your mercy ” (Bl. Louis de Blois).

“One abyss calleth upon another. It is there, my God, at the bottom that I shall meet You : the abyss of my poverty, of my nothingness, will be confronted with the abyss of Your mercy, the immensity of Your All. There I shall find strength to die to myself and, losing every trace of self, I shall be changed into love” (E.T. J, 1).

353. DESOLATION AND DARKNESS

PRESENCE OF GOD - Come to my aid, O Lord, that I may not be overwhelmed by the storm.


MEDITATION

1. Seeing its wretchedness so clearly, the soul senses the infinite distance separating it from God; and, while desiring even more to be united to Him, it realizes that it is farther from Him than ever, absolutely incapable of bridging the chasm which divides them. This recognition causes pain as well, for the lover ardently desires union with the beloved. The suffering sometimes becomes so intense that it seems to the soul that there no longer exists any hope of holiness, of union with God, or even of eternal salvation for it.

There is nothing exaggerated, much less feigned in this desolation. The Holy Spirit, under whose action the soul finds itself, cannot inspire it with anything not entirely conformable with truth. It is quite true that between us, poor creatures that we are, and God, sovereign and infinite perfection, there is a distance, an incalculable distance; it is quite true that, by our own strength, we are radically incapable of elevating ourselves to God; again it is true that considering our actions—even the best of them—there is nothing in us which merits either union with God or eternal life. If many souls are not convinced of this, thinking that they are able of themselves to do something to advance toward God and holiness, it is because they have not yet been enlightened as to the depths of their own nothingness.

If we are, then, utterly unworthy of God, of His love, of union with Him, of His eternal glory, it is equally true that God Himself, in His merciful love, has desired to bridge the distance that separates Him from us. He has stooped down to us to the point of clothing us with His divine Life and calling us to his intimacy. What is impossible to our misery is entirely possible to the omnipotence and infinite mercy of God. He wills to do this work in us, yet He wants us to realize that it is His work alone.

In those moments when the soul is tempted to despair of attaining to God and eternal salvation, it must remain firm in unshakable hope. However justifiable may be its mistrust of itself and all its efforts, there is even more reason to await all from God, whose love and goodness infinitely surpass both its poverty and its expectation. In this way the desolation of the night of the spirit will achieve its end—that of establishing the soul in a deeper humility, in a purer and more perfect hope, because now the soul trusts only in the merciful love of God.


2. St. John of the Cross write : “And thus at this time the soul also suffers great darkness in the understanding... . And in its substance the soul suffers from abandonment and the greatest poverty. Dry and cold, and at times hot, it finds relief in naught, nor is there any thought that can console it, nor can it even raise its heart to God” (J.C. LF, 1,20). Yet another cause of spiritual distress is the aridity in which the soul finds itself: the inability to think of God, to find help by reflecting upon divine things. It seems to the soul as if a very high wall had risen up between God and itself, preventing its cries from reaching Him. It is deep night, in which the soul cannot go forward except by leaning upon pure, naked faith, clinging with all its strength to the belief that God is infinitely good, that He loves it and listens to its cries, that He knows its torment, and allows it to suffer only to purify it. It is not surprising that the soul in this state may experience strong temptations against faith, like those which afflicted St. Thérése of the Child Jesus in the last period of her life. She writes: “Our Lord allowed my soul to be plunged in thickest gloom, and the thought of heaven, so sweet from my earliest years, to become for me a subject of torture” (St, 9). She adds, however: “God knows how I try to live by faith, even though it affords me no consolation. I have made more acts of faith during the past year than in all the rest of my life” (ibid.). Alluding to her poems on the happiness of heaven, she confesses: “When I sing. . .of the happiness of heaven and of the eternal possession of God, I feel no joy; I sing only of what IJ will to believe” (ibid.).

This is exactly how the soul must conduct itself: believing because it wills to believe, not relying on what it feels or experiences, but relying solely upon the word of God. These acts of pure faith, stripped of all consolation, independent of any feeling whatsoever, are truly heroic acts; they honor God more purely, the more they are based only on divine revelation; and they unite the soul to God, the more stripped they are of all human support. The darkness of the night of the spirit has precisely this end: to accustom the soul to walk by pure faith, by heroic faith.


COLLOQUY

“O Jesus, King of peace, whose presence heaven and earth long for, how have You gone so far away from me! How are all my riches and strength lacking! O loss more painful than mortal wounds, O truly bitter separation, worse than the anguish of death!

“Why have You hidden Yourself, my gentle Spouse, and by Your absence cast me into this night full of thick shadows and dark desolation? Who will help me in this utter abandonment, in this solitude? Oh! how great are the sufferings of love, how great is the anxiety of the heart which knows not nor can do anything but love, while possessing not Him whom it loves!

“I have no other remedy, O most kind King, than to sigh for You. I cry to You from the bottom of my heart and speak to the tenderness of Your love. Remember me, O my hope; see my desolation at the thought of Your refusal, and the bitter abandonment consuming me.

“Do not abandon me, O gentle Son of the Virgin, because mercy was born, together with You, from the womb of Your Immaculate Mother. See, Lord, how all my strength is failing, and how, bereft of You, I am oppressed by the horror and shadow of death.

“ Have pity on me, my Friend, because all my strength being consumed, I have only lips and tongue left to cry to You. O immortal life and fountain of living water, do not deprive me of Your presence with so much rigor, for it is dearer to me than life. I shall not rest, O gentle Son of God, nor ever cease my sighs and supplications until You show me Your Face” (Ven. John of Jesus Mary).

354. CONFIDENCE AND ABANDONMENT

PRESENCE OF GOD - Into Your hands, O Lord, I abandon myself with all confidence.


MEDITATION


1. “There are many who desire to make progress [in the spiritual way] and constantly entreat God to draw them and let them advance to this state of perfection [the state of union], but when it pleases God to begin to bring them through the first trials and mortifications, as is necessary, they are unwilling to pass through them, and flee away, to escape from the narrow road of life and to seek the broad road of their own consolation” (J.C. LF, 2,27). This is the reason why many souls do not reach union with God; they are not willing to tread the way of the Cross, the only way which leads to it.

You also desire to arrive at divine union, but perhaps you, too, think to reach it by a broad, sunny, pleasant way, by the way of success, where one goes from victory to victory, where one enjoys abundant spiritual consolations, where one finds the applause, support, and esteem of creatures. But by now you must certainly have understood that it is necessary to take quite another way: the narrow and obscure way where the soul discovers all its misery, experiences all its powerlessness, where consolation from God and men is wanting. You know, too, that you must accept having to walk on this road for as long as it will please God. How many months or years will suffice? Only God knows. He often keeps souls a long time in the dark night of the spirit, and it might even be said that, in general, even after the principal stages have been passed, there is always a little of the night as long as one lives upon earth. ‘The wisest course to take is to surrender yourself completely to the divine will of God, without setting limits either to the duration or the nature of your trials. God knows what is best for you; He, who knows so well the weaknesses and necessities of your soul, will know how to prescribe exactly the treatment to cure your evils.

Do not be hasty, but, on the contrary, have much patience, and you will not expose yourself to deception. Let your patience be long-suffering and trustful because, although you truly suffer, these sufferings do not come to you from an enemy but from your greatest Friend, from God, who loves you much more than you could love yourself, who wills your good, your happiness, your sanctification much more than you could ever desire them. Hope in Him and you will never be confounded; entrust yourself to Him blindly and you will have nothing to fear.


2. The most suitable moments to prove to God that you trust Him blindly, that you wish to abandon yourself to Him without reserve, are undoubtedly those of the dark night of the spirit. Even if it seems to you that all gives way under your feet, even if the tempest engulfs you to the point of making you feel tempted against faith and hope, you have nothing to fear, because in this night you are, in a very special way, under the action of the Holy Spirit. It is He who, by the living flame of His Love, lays waste your soul to purify it, but at the same time He Himself covers it with His shadow, secretly pouring into it the strength to resist, and measuring the suffering in such a way as not to exceed your capacity. Do not be afraid; you are in good hands: you are protected by the shadow of the Almighty, and no evil can befall you, provided you adhere voluntarily and with docility to His purifying action. Accept, and continually repeat your “fiat”; this is what Our Lord wants of you in this state, and this you can and should do, even in the midst of the most violent tempests. This pure, simple adhesion of your will to God, will unite you to Him and anchor you in Him, keeping you from shipwreck. What does it matter if you can neither say nor do anything more, if you are incapable of long prayers; even Jesus, in the Garden of Olives, did nothing but repeat this one protestation: “Father...Thy will be done” (Mt 26,42). Let this be your prayer too, prayer rising more from your heart than
from your lips, rising from a profound attitude of pure adherence to the will of God, in which you submerge yourself with all the powers of your soul. ‘This adherence must become so strong, so complete, so filial and confident as to transform itself into a prolonged act of abandonment: “Father, into Thy hands I commend My spirit” (Lk 23,46). Jesus Himself formulated this act in the midst of anguish and desolation infinitely more intense than anything you could ever experience. Unite yourself to the agonizing Jesus; lean upon Him, and in Him you will find the necessary strength to accept and to resist. Keeping your eyes fixed upon Jesus Crucified, who has reconciled and united the human race to His divine Father by His Passion and death, you will understand ever more perfectly that union with God “consists not in refreshment and in consolations and spiritual feelings, but in a living death of the Cross, both as to sense and as to spirit—that is, both inwardly and outwardly” (J.C. AS II, 7,11).


COLLOQUY

“O my God, where is the sun of Your grace? It seems to me that it is darkened. You seem to have wholly withdrawn Your goodness from my soul. I am abandoned now, like a body which, deprived of its members, cannot help itself, or like a sterile tree trunk, for, Your grace being taken away, I can do nothing. O my God, stretch out Your right hand to me and give me strength.

“O eternal Father, if Your Word is with me, who can be against me? What can move me, cast me down, or vanquish me? Storms will beat against me exteriorly, but will not touch my inmost heart. ‘They may make me suffer, and I accept it willingly because You so will, but they can never trouble my soul, ever abandoned to Your divine good pleasure. I shall still every storm, thinking that these sorrows come by Your will, and I shall immerse myself in the lowliness of my being. If these troubles swallow me up in hell, I shall raise myself up again to heaven with Your help, and in Your name I shall overcome every conflict.

“Nevertheless, I know my weakness and during this trial, which may be long or short according to Your good pleasure, while many battles rage, I know well what I must do; I shall trust in You and I shall never be moved” (St. Mary Magdalen dei Pazzi).

“Blessed Master, grant that the divine good pleasure may be my food and daily bread; may I let myself be immolated according to the Father’s every wish, after Your example, O adored Christ. If at times what He wills is more crucifying, no doubt I may say with You: ‘ Father, if it be possible let this chalice pass from me, ’ but I shall immediately add : ‘not as I will, but as Thou wilt’; and calmly and steadfastly I shall climb my calvary with You, singing in my inmost soul, sending up to the Father a hymn of thanksgiving. For those who tread that Way of Sorrows are those ‘whom He foreknew and predestined to be made conformable to the image of His divine Son,’ who was crucified for love!” (E.T. J, 3 - 8).

355. THE DEVELOPMENT OF LOVE

PRESENCE OF GOD - My God, from all eternity You have gone before me with Your infinite love; increase my love for You.


MEDITATION

1. “What shall prevent God from doing that which He will in the soul that is resigned, annihilated, and detached?” (J.C. AS JJ, 4,2). This statement of St. John of the Cross makes you understand that God has an immense desire to work in your soul, to lead you to sanctity and to union with Himself, provided you commit yourself into His hands, despoiled of every attachment, annihilated in your self-love, entirely docile, malleable, and adaptable to His action. The Lord comes to your assistance with purifying trials in order to empty you of self, to detach you from creatures, to immerse you in true humility, but at the same time He helps you to grow in love, the strong bond which must unite you to Him. All the work which God accomplishes in your soul is done in view of making you advance in this virtue; exterior and interior trials, humiliations, powerlessness, aridity, struggles, and tempests are meant in the divine plan to extinguish the illusory fires of self-love, pride, earthly affections, and all other irregular passions, so that only one fire may burn within you, ever more intensely and strongly, the fire of charity.

The more the Lord purifies you, the more your heart will be freed from all dross and become capable of concentrating all its affection upon Him. Walk, then, in this way by accepting purification in view of a deeper love, and by orientating your whole spiritual life toward the exercise of love. What you suffer, suffer for love, that is, suffer it willingly, without rebellion or complaint, and then, in the measure that your soul is humbled, despoiled, and mortified, it will also be clothed with charity. The trials which God sends you have the purpose not only of purifying your heart, but also of dilating it in charity. They aim at deepening your capacity for love; not, certainly, a sensible love, but a powerful love of the will, which tends toward God through pure benevolence, independent of all personal consolation, its sole pursuit being His glory and good pleasure.


2. By means of purifying trials, “God secretly teaches the soul and instructs it in the perfection of love” (J.C. DN I, 5,1). Above all, He teaches it to love independently of all happiness and joy, even depriving it of that joy, though legitimate and spontaneous, which proceeds from the consciousness of its own love. The soul that is not yet wholly purified could become attached to this joy, so God withdraws it entirely; in the thick darkness the soul feels that it no longer loves; dry aridity extinguishes all joy and sweetness, and it is constrained to go forward by a pure act of the will. Instead of taking complacency in its own love, which henceforth it no longer feels, the soul is profoundly afflicted by the tormenting doubt that it no longer knows how to love, and to combat this doubt, it can only apply itself with all its might to performing the works of love, that is, embracing generously every labor, every sacrifice that may please God. In this way, its love matures, becoming purer and stronger: purer, because it is not mixed with any personal consolation; stronger, because it urges the soul to more generous labors. In this state, the soul adheres to God by a simple act of the will, and herein the substance of love consists: it wills good to God solely because He is the supreme, infinitely lovable Good; it desires Him alone and serves Him alone, fulfilling all His divine will without any return on self, without seeking any joy or spiritual consolation.


The soul is no longer preoccupied with enjoying His love, or with receiving; its one solicitude is to give, to give itself, to give pleasure to God. From this we understand how aridity and darkness, instead of stifling love, make it grow in a wonderful manner, provided the soul is disposed to seek only God’s good pleasure and forget itself completely. “Learn to love as God desires to be loved, and lay aside your own temperament” (SM I, 57) St. John of the Cross tells you; that is, learn to love God by a pure, strong act of the will, without being preoccupied with what is sentiment, consolation and joy of heart. Perhaps your manner of loving is still a little too dependent upon feeling; so be grateful to God if He makes you walk in darkness and aridity: it is thus that He will help you deliver yourself from this weakness.


COLLOQUY

"O Lord of my soul and my only Good! When a soul has resolved to love You, and forsaking everything, does all in its power toward that end, so that it may the better employ itself in Your love, why do You not grant it at once the joy of ascending to the possession of this perfect love? But I am wrong: I should have made my complaint by asking why we ourselves have no desire so to ascend, for it is we alone who are at fault in not at once enjoying so great a dignity.

“If we attain to the perfect possession of this true love of God, it brings all blessings with it. But so niggardly and so slow are we in giving ourselves wholly to God that we do not prepare ourselves as we should to receive that precious love which it is His Majesty’s will that we should enjoy only at a great price.

“There is nothing on earth with which so great a blessing can be purchased; but if we did what we could to obtain it, if we cherished no attachment to earthly things, and if all our cares and all our intercourse were centered in heaven, I believe there is no doubt that this blessing would be given us very speedily.... But we think we are giving God everything, whereas what we are really offering Him is the revenue or the fruits of our land while keeping the stock and the right of ownership of it in our own hands.... A nice way of seeking His love! And then we want it quickly and in great handfuls, as one might say.

“O Lord, if You do not give us this treasure all at once, it is because we do not make a full surrender of ourselves. May it please You to give it to us at least little by little, even though the receiving of it may cost us all the trials in the world.

“No, my God, love does not consist in shedding tears, in enjoying those consolations and that tenderness which for the most part we desire and in which we find comfort, but in serving You with righteousness, fortitude of soul, and humility. The other seems to me to be receiving rather than giving anything....

“May it never please Your Majesty that a gift so precious as Your love be given to people who serve You solely to obtain consolations ” (T.J. Life, 11).

356. THE LOVE OF ESTEEM

PRESENCE OF GOD - O my God, sovereign and infinite Good, grant that I may esteem nothing more than You and prefer nothing to You.


MEDITATION

1. Our Lord once said to St. Teresa: “Knowest thou what it is to love Mein truth? It is to realize that everything which is not pleasing to Me is a lie” (Life, 40). Without sound of words, the Holy Spirit gives this lesson to every soul that lets itself be formed and purified by Him. The more He enlightens it on the truth of its own misery and that of all creatures, the more the soul remains disinclined toward them; it withdraws all its hope from them and comes truly to esteem God above all things and to prefer Him to everything else. The attitude of this soul becomes very like that of St. Paul, who exclaimed: “I count all things to be but loss for. . . Jesus Christ, my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them but as dung, that I may gain Christ” (Phil 3,8).

The love of esteem which the Holy Spirit pours into the soul through the purifying darkness is so strong that the soul is disposed to accept any sacrifice whatsoever, to confront every obstacle, to undergo every humiliation and suffering that it may win its God. St. John of the Cross says: “The love of esteem which it has for God is so great, even though it may not realize this, and may be in darkness, that it would be glad, not only to suffer in this way, but even to die many times over in order to give Him satisfaction” (DN II, 13,5). Let us note that the soul does not feel nor take pleasure in its own love, this love is not accompanied by enjoyment and sweetness; nevertheless, it is a love so real that it leads the soul effectively to the accomplishment of the most difficult things “if thereby...it might find Him whom it loves” (ibid.). We should also note that it is not a question of impulses, of inoperative desires which immediately give way before concrete opportunities for sacrifice, but, on the contrary, of a strong determination of the will which nothing can shake. Once the soul has understood that a certain action is necessary in order to unite itself to God, it pays no attention to anything, neither to the repugnances of nature, nor to the voice of self-love or egoism, nor to what others might say or think; it plunges headlong with great courage.


2. A further effect of this great love of esteem for God is that “the greatest sufferings and trials of which [the soul] is conscious in this night are the anguished thoughts that it has lost God, and the fears that He has abandoned it ” (J.C. DN II, 13,5). Just as it is not concerned about acquiring any possession except the possession of God, neither is the soul concerned about any loss, if it be not the loss of God. Everything can be taken from it: health, riches, honors, esteem, trust, the affection of the most cherished creatures, and these creatures themselves; but never could the soul endure that God should be taken from it, or that it should be prevented from loving Him. Thus have the saints thought and acted. In her immense desire to love God, St. Teresa Margaret Redi declared that she was ready to suffer even the pains of hell to obtain that grace; and to one who asked how she would be able to support such unspeakable torments she replied: “I think that love would render them bearable for me and perhaps even sweet, for of itself love makes all things else seem as naught” (T.M. Sp). That is also what St. Teresa of Jesus thought when she wrote to her daughters these beautiful lines: “ Let your desire be to see God; your fear, that you may lose Him; your sorrow, that you are not having fruition of Him; your joy, that He can bring you to Himself” (M, 69). Such is the characteristic of true love: to create but one preoccupation in the soul, one fear, one desire, and one joy,—all of which are concentrated on God alone.

If you wish to see how far your love of esteem for God has reached, examine your conduct, and try to discover the ultimate motive of your preoccupations, fears, desires, and joys; if this motive is not God, but creatures, your own interests and satisfaction, you ought to acknowledge humbly that you have not yet succeeded in esteeming God above all things; for you weigh “in the balance against God that which...is at the greatest possible distance from God” (J.C. AS I, 5,4). Searching your heart more deeply, you will see that you frequently place on the same plane your will and the will of God, your tastes and His good pleasure, your interests and His glory, your convenience and His service. Furthermore, although in theory you protest that you esteem God above all things, in practice you very often give the preference not to His will, desires, and interests, but to your own, and that is why you fall into so many imperfections. Be convinced that “where there is true love of God, there enters neither love of self nor that of the things of self” (J.C. DN II, 21,10).


COLLOQUY

“Most amiable Son of God, I confess to You my fault. I know not by what spirit I was led when I allowed my heart, created for You, to be ensnared by affection for creatures and sullied by the profane conversations of earth. I let myself be deceived, not by reality, but by the appearance of a love artfully represented, and I withdrew far from You and from the sweet law of Your true and only love. But now that Your light has drawn me out of my darkness, I renounce all worldly beauty and I choose You, Son of God and of the Blessed Virgin, that I may love You by a pact of eternal love.

“Without You, infinite Beauty and Goodness, no creature can possess true good, and outside of You my soul finds no satisfaction. For You have given it so great a capacity and such a hunger for the infinite, that it can neither will nor seek any other good than You. When I consider the earth, and all things, O Son of the Most High, they seem small and imperfect compared with You. [If all the dignities of the world, all created beauties, all the comforts of life were given to me; if I had at my disposal all that is great, honorable, rich, and admirable in the world and could enjoy all these things together for all eternity, I would never change what I have chosen, but I would sing with ardent love: Your Face, O Lord, I seek and I shall seek it forever.

“Close my heart, Lord, that no human affection may enter there. Grant that I may not see, nor feel, nor taste, anything created, and may no creature attach itself to me, to the detriment of Your pure love. You alone, O my infinite Good, suffice to fill to the brim all my desires and to satisfy this hunger which tortures me; no other good, not even all other goods combined would be able to satisfy me; rather, after having tasted them all, I would be left dying with hunger, languishing in extreme abandonment, deprived of You" (Ven. John of Jesus Mary).